Builders and Stealers / Turn Your Words Into Gold

B = Focus on their children’s strengths. …

S = Focus on their weaknesses. …

B = Expect their children to work for most of the things they want.

S = Give their children everything.

B = Set loving limits and expect their children to behave.

S = Are afraid to set limits.

B = Make discipline look easy.

S = Show frustration and make it look hard.

B = Show their children that arguing and manipulation doesn’t work.

S = Get sucked into arguments and power struggles.

B = Guide their children to own and solve the problems the children create.

S = Rescue or punish.

B = Avoid lectures and repeated warnings.

S = Use lectures and repeated warnings often.

B = Love their kids for who they are.

S = Love their kids for what they do.

“Please sit down. I’m going to start now!” OR “I’ll begin as soon as you are seated.”

“Please be quiet. It’s time to begin!” OR “I’ll be glad to start as soon as you show me that you are ready.”

“I’m not going to line you up until everyone is quiet!” OR “I’ll be lining people up as soon as it is quiet.”

“”Don’t be bothering your neighbors!” OR “You are welcome to stay with us as long as you and others are not being bothered.”

“Keep your hands to yourself!” OR “Feel free to stay with us when you can keep your hands to yourself.”

“Don’t talk to me in that tone of voice!” OR “I’ll listen as soon as your voice is as calm as mine.”

“You show some respect!” OR “I’ll be glad to discuss this when respect is shown.”

“You’re not going to stay in this group and act like that!” OR “You may stay with us if you can give up on that behavior.”

“Don’t you come back to this room until you can show some respect! ” OR “Feel free to come back to the room as soon as you are calm.”

“Quit breaking the rules of the game! ” OR “Those who can follow the rules are welcome to play the game.’

“Stop arguing with me! ” OR “I’ll be glad to discuss this with you as soon as the arguing stops.”